The working woman, who enjoys motherhood for about six months with her baby in her arms, starts to experience the troubles of the separation process with the end of her leave. Returning to work, the mother feels a sense of guilt. Does my baby like his/her nanny more than me? Will she start calling her grandmother, who is with her all day, mummy? Is my nanny not taking good care of my baby? Questions like that haunt her mind.
One of the most challenging issues for mothers who return to work life after taking a break due to motherhood is to establish a balance between work and home life. Not being able to spend as much time as she wants with her baby whose smell she misses, returning to work life by handing over her tiny baby to a babysitter or a trusted family member, and the feeling of “guilt” that comes with it…
Özge Selçuk Bozkurt, Child Development Specialist from Canbebe Experts, provides guiding explanations for new working mothers who experience many new feelings in a complex way and have difficulty in managing them:
When spending quality time with the child, both parties should get mutual pleasure
Özge Selçuk Bozkurt defines quality time as “a fun period of time for both parties where there is no effort to teach the baby something” and states that quality time is a mutual sharing. Bozkurt makes the following statements about quality time: “Quality time is a mutual sharing and since the child is happy during that period, their perceptions are very open. He’ll take anything you give him. If you give love, it receives love and learns to experience happiness in this moment. However, don’t be forced to do something you don’t want to do just because your child enjoys it. Puzzles are often placed in front of the father, as they are considered to fit the definition of “quality time”. You may think of jigsaw puzzles as quality time in educational terms, but it is important that the father also enjoys it at that moment, and playing with the baby should not be seen as a job. Together you can play body games, jumping jacks, sitting on the tummy, up and down, body slides, etc. Fathers like physical games a bit more and there is research that says that these games are actually very beneficial for the development of the baby.
Nothing needs to be taught in quality time. The essential thing is mutual enjoyment on both sides.”
Concerns about the babysitter…
Özge Selçuk Bozkurt underlines that mothers who leave their babies with a babysitter should observe very well when they return home in the evening.
Bozkurt states; “The arms in which the baby finds peace are the mother’s embrace and smell from the moment it is born. Even the mother’s tummy and the mother’s voice always evoke peace in the baby. Therefore, it is quite normal to have intense commitment to mothers until the first 6 months. She wants to sleep with your breastfeeding and your tone of voice in preparation for sleep in the evening, which is the period your baby needs the most. The hug of the mother he loves ends with the arrival of the caregiver in the morning and the crying begins. This is normal and over time your baby will get used to separation.
But we should not forget that this period is pleasurable for the baby. So if he enjoys something, he wants to taste that pleasure to the fullest. If there is a discomfort, he/she wants to express it to you in some way. If he/she is uncomfortable with your separation, he/she will cry it out. Or if she went to another lap and didn’t like it at all, she would cry it out. We can easily understand their preferences by crying during this period… You can also find the answer to the question of whether your baby can really have fun in your absence here. You can also request videos from your caregiver during the day to ensure your thoughts on this issue, or you can observe their communication with each other while the caregiver and your child play together on a day when you are at home. Stay away from your baby during this process because if he/she feels your presence, your baby will want to come to you. But if you look at it from a distance, your baby will give you some feelings there in the bilateral relationship, observe very well.
If possible, hand your baby over to a blood relative in the first place, or alternatively to the caregiver. Accustom the person who will take care of it gradually. Remember that if you are comfortable, your baby will also be peaceful. So, be sure to consider the conditions you need to be comfortable with and question the person you choose by observing the crying signals your baby gives you very well.
If my baby loves her babysitter more than me…
Özge Selçuk Bozkurt states that another anxiety that mothers experience the most is the anxiety that their babies will be more fond of their caregivers after a while and will replace them. Many new mothers respond to the anxiety they experience with the question “am I an inadequate mother?” “is she too attached to the caregiver?” does he love me less because I work? ” accompanying questions.
Bozkurt says about this anxiety experienced by most mothers and the reasons underlying it: “First of all, do not feel such a remorse in yourself, but it is very normal for you to experience these feelings at first. Once you’ve found the right person to take care of your baby, look for ways to spend maximum and quality time with your baby. You can discuss your legal milk leave with your employer and plan it in the most efficient way according to the daily order of you and your baby. Until the first 6 months – depending on the sector you work in – you have between 1.5 and 3 hours of legal milk leave per day. You have 1.5 hours of milk leave between 6-12 months. It is important that you make it a program when to use these breaks; because if you know the time to go to your baby, you will organize the day and therefore your baby’s daily routine much better.
Make the most of the time after you return home. Make activity and play hours according to your baby’s sleeping hours. If your baby wants to sleep with you, if you want to sleep with you, and if you enjoy living your motherhood this way, definitely do it. This is a good sharing for both parties. Make her feel your presence, even in her sleep. You can sleep together for secure attachment and for both sides to feel good. This is all about the mother’s motherhood and may vary from person to person. If you think that there are many studies that support the baby sleeping next to the mother for the first year, you may not insist that your baby sleep in the room.